Choosing a Path to Take
When you talk about life and talk about "fate", how much can you really believe is already planned out for you? Every choice you make can change the way even tomorrow looks for you. There's no one direction someone's life can go. Each choice made, ever turn taken, and ever change in your normal day will affect the way you see what's ahead of you.
Can We Really Blame Actions Caused by Other Reactions? Is That Making Excuses for Someone Suffering Through What They Have Zero Control Over?
Only a couple months after I left my boyfriend of almost 4 years, I had an experience that still affects me even until today. I met a guy who has changed my view on everything I do in my own life. He was the first person I've ever met, became friends with, and grew close to that suffers from PTSD. The only mistake I made was falling for his charm and showing him I cared. He played me like a harp and I am still friends with me, but now that he sees guys have interest in me, he wants me now. I can't see him as anything more than just a friend.
The first time I met him, I didn't even realize that a friend had sent him to the lab where I work to look for me specifically. I only found that out maybe a year ago and I've known him two years now. The lights were off in the room and I was helping another student when I looked up to see my coworkers telling me to turn around. I had felt someone behind me but I was by the front desk where students sign in. So I figured a student was coming in to work. I turned to see a frightened six foot tall guy afraid to even come into the room. He was very well spoken and respectful so I knew he was of military background. Everyone made jokes that I liked him but every time he came in to work, even if I was busy, he would look for me and even wait until I was finished with the other students. As I talked to him more and more, he opened up to me about his PTSD, his depression, not having many friends, etc. So I ended up tutoring him outside of the school so he could get the one on one help I knew he needed. I noticed how he didn't like people sitting too close to him or right behind him. A couple of other men I tutored who were also army veterans wanted to sit in the corner of the room for that same exact reason. Once this guy realized I liked him, that's when things got weird. He toyed with me, would go through my friends, and even had female "friends" of me add him on social media through my accounts because he and I were friends online. I only recently unadded him as a friend. Not even sure he realized I did but it was getting too much for me to deal with because of how he used the actual site.
All in all, I have seen him drunk off his butt, I've seen him over the drunk point and have had to stop fights, and even have had to follow him home several times. This I did just being a concerned friend who had feelings for a guy who wanted nothing to do with me because he knew I was different from the other girls he was with. Of course people thought we were together with how much we hung out or were around each other but I do tutor him math. He even would skip classes and I would have to literally teach him...which became tiring and stressful. There was and still a visible connection between him and I but I'm keeping him at arm's length because he has hurt me over and over. Maybe he thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved or thinks that sex equals "love." Either way, I do feel bad for him but then he has to figure his own life out. He's not at war anymore but suffers with the repercussions. He's told me how he was athletic, musically gifted, in advanced classes, etc but with all the war did to his mind and memory, every day is a struggle. Knowing all I do about him and his situation makes me wonder how many veterans out there don't have a friend they can open up to. Sometimes just having a positive individual around can help. I am not in his life for anything but to help him get through the last few classes he needs to get his degree and to be a friend. That is the most I can do for someone who has treated me badly.
This brings me back to the headline above. Do we blame his past or blame him for being a rude asshole? He may have not always been the guy he is today but the war has changed him. How can someone truly understand someone they barely know? I wasn't at war with him so I don't know what his fight was like or what he did/saw. I have been through my own living hell and have my moments where my PTSD and depression make getting through the day hard as hell. So for theses guys who witness death over and over and see things being blown up, where is their escape? Some get stuck living on the streets, can't get housing or jobs, end up doing drugs or drinking heavily....among other things. Now I'm not placing a stereotype on veterans or military at all. Let me state that. I also want to say I do think they all need proper help and still haven't gotten what they truly need. How the person has learned to cope throughout their life or how their mind deals with the experiences is what makes a person drink, sleep around, do drugs, etc. It isn't one thing or the other. It's something in the brain that almost shows the person or has the person thinking that a certain thing will help them forget everything. For my buddy, I just know he can beat what he's fighting but he needs to accept that he is worth the fight to get better. No one can tell him that but himself. He has to love himself and accept himself fully just like you or I have to. WE just have to find our own way.
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