In loving memory of my grandmother who recently passed....happy in heaven with my mother and grandfather now. Love you forever and always.



This Too Shall Pass

Even though the pain has grown,
Even though my heart has cracked,
And fallen apart,
It's used to being broken,
Because I love too hard,
I feel more than most,
And I care way more than I ever should...
I keep losing the ones I love,
I keep getting left alone,
I keep trying to find a connection,
To someone,
Who would never let me go...
I have little faith in myself,
Because I assign blame,
I never want to look back,
But I always seem to hurt the most,
When my past becomes cryatal clear,
Right in front of me...
I don't wanna live in it,
I live with it,
I learn from it,
I grow from the hurt,
I just don't wanna feel that same pain,
Over and over again...
When you grow up only knowing loss,
It's hard to recognize even your own growth,
Because you're continuously torn down,
Your mind and heart are constantly at war,
You can't see past today,
You can't find your own happiness,
Because you're always wanting better,
Than what you've always settled for...
A look in the mirror is even terrifying,
When you don't recognize who you are,
Anymore...
You've become a shell of who you used to be,
An empty feeling that never seems to end,
Stuck in a hole,
Constantly pulling yourself out of...
You want someone there,
Want someone to care,
But in the end,
You're truly all you're gonna have,
When things get rough,
When life truly gets tough,
Because only you have lived this life,
And walked the path you've come along...
Just know that this too shall pass,
This isn't the ending to your story at all,
There's a lot more to be written,
A lot more to happen,
Before you can even start to think,
That your job is done...
We all have a reason to be here,
We all have a mission,
Some just choose to ignore,
What they're meant to do...
I recognized a long time ago,
That I'm an instrument,
And even though I have no use,
For some gifts I've been given,
Others can benefit,
So why be selfish?
If my story can help one person,
If my knowledge can help someone succeed,
Why not start helping?
It's selfish to just love without a care,
Because the person next to you,
May be the one you needed,
To come along,
And save your life,
Say just one thing,
You needed to hear...
Don't take being alive for granted,
We aren't all given second chances,
I've been given a new lease on life,
And I'm giving myself to the world...
I don't see much worth in myself,
Besides the ability,
To make the lives of others,
Better by just being there,
By simply being a friend...
Just one thought bothers me,
One thing haunts me,
Keeps me from sleeping,
And that's how many of you,
Would ever do the same in return?
Would you take generosity ,
And stop it right there,
Not giving it back respectfully?
Comforting a hurting soul,
Hugging someone who feels beyond alone,
Smiling at someone just to do it,
Making a friend with someone different from you...
Why is that so hard to do,
For humanity?
We don't see what's right in front of us,
When we ask for world peace,
But we are our own answer to fixing things,
Why hate when you can love?
Why have war when you can compromise?
Why lie when the truth can be so freeing?
Why let yourself get stuck in a bad time when you're still alive?
You woke up today,
You're breathing aren't you?
You're seeing the sun again,
Through your own raging storm...
Be happy to be able to have a chance on this earth,
Be happy to be able to smile when you want to cry,
Because you're truly stronger than you want to admit,
This too shall pass,
If you allow it to....


Kristen LeBlanc

Letting Go and Moving On

I made it official a week ago Saturday that I was no longer with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I became an object that he saw as a possession and it took a realistic dream to wake me up. It was time to get out before I would get used even more than I already was. I didn't even tell him all the things I wanted for my life in fear he would tear me down or tell me no. I shouldn't have to fear someone I had once loved enough to want to marry them. Now, i see that he had caused me so much added stress and grief. I'm free now and working on new things for my life. Singing has been something I've loved for years but kept to myself. My friend Nicole has been very supportive of me as well as everyone who  has listened to my recordings. Nicole gave me the idea of trying sound cloud instead of just YouTube to get my voice out there. I have had nothing but a good response from everyone who clicks play. It gives me the confidence to keep working on my shyness, keep challenging my voice with harder genres and makes me want to never give up on anything I try. I have no reason to. God has given me several gifts, and since the fire, I've only discovered more and found myself. I was so lost and stuck in my relationship with my ex. 

I was suffocating. Now I can breathe and am set free. 

Enjoy everyone and thank you so much!! Many more to come soon!

www.smule.com 
Username: MeltMyHeart 
Email: myprogressisyour1proof@gmail.com

My Biggest Secret but It's Time to Share...

Some of us go our whole lives asking, "What if?" Well, since my family's house fire, I've been braver and letting myself be seen as I am, for who I am. I'm so done with hiding behind a shell or a wall. It hasn't done me any good and, just maybe, this will open doors for so many other people. That's all I want. I want to be respected and I want others to see that it is ok to be different.  I always knew I was different, but not as much as I've come to realize.  

People at work know me as the nerdy, goofy, math tutor. Few people have come to see all that god has blessed me with. I honestly wouldn't have found any of it if I wasn't such a lonely child. I had no friends and lived a very sheltered life. I'm just now fully coming out of my shell and the world better watch out because I'm not slowing down.  

A lot of people even know me as an artist or the crazy gym rat who goes intense every gym workout she does. Some even know I write and have been published. There are also a select few that know I love photography as well. Not many, though, know what my favorite thing to do truly is. This blog may have the world see me in a whole new light, but, it's time.....it is time for me to just lay it all on the line.  

I know the judgement will be harsh and the opinions high, but, this is my life and you can either support me or take a hike. I don't need the negativity anymore. I want to be known as Kristen, the girl who survived live and triumphed.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC33Vbm4JiEYxCRWsF92H6eg

...and yes this is me. Please do not even think that I would post someone else's link. Believe it or not, I am scared of what people will say, but I'm also excited to put myself out there. Welcome to the world, Kristen. 

My Creative Vision

I've tried to figure out exactly who I am and what I'm supposed to do with my life for years now. Yeah I'm only 24 and I have time, but, I want to have a general idea. I want to know so I can build on it and find out more about myself. 

My latest endeavor has been illustrating pieces of literature that I have written. Most are lyrical ballads and the art that goes with them mainly one subject. That is my choice and my reasoning right now. I want my art to convey a message and my writing to form an image in your mind. I want my creativity to be felt, not just seen. Here are examples of what I'm working towards:

I'm Listening 

Speak to me,
Telepathically,
So I can feel,
How you feel...
I'm ready to be,
The other half of who you are,
The other half of what you need,
What's missing to make you happy...
Answer my pleas,
I'm not trying,
To bother you,
But get your attention...
Asking my questions,
Trying to keep it simple...

I'm listening,
To see what I'm missing,
I've overlooked,
Something you've said...
My heart hears yours,
Calling it from its safe place,
Making it beat faster,
Inside of me...
The excitement,
You're causing,
Keeps me guessing,
What's coming next...
I'm listening,
So speak up baby...

Stepping into the shade,
Keeping my silence,
Waiting for you to proclaim,
Your presence...
I look around,
Waiting for a sound,
A sign telling me,
That you're close...
No one needs to understand,
Nothing has to make sense,
Only you and I get it,
And that's how it's supposed to be...
Open your mind willingly...
Connect with me...

I'm listening,
To see what I'm missing,
I've overlooked,
Something you've said...
My heart hears yours,
Calling it from its safe place,
Making it beat faster,
Inside of me...
The excitement,
You're causing,
Keeps me guessing,
What's coming next...
I'm listening,
So speak up baby...

Speak up so it's clear,
Let me know that you're certain,
That you're here,
Here for me...
Here to grow,
And join together,
Become one,
With me spiritually...
I can't wait,
To feel your energy,
Work with mine,
In perfect harmony...
This feels so right,
But what are you thinking?

What's your idea,
About this whole situation,
This whole experience,
Of finally meeting....
What do you see,
As the next move,
We need to make,
To keep this going strong...
Did I have you all wrong...
And truly what I'm needing ,
To progress forward...
I'm hearing everything,
I'm listening and it's all become clear....

I'm listening,
To see what I'm missing,
I've overlooked,
Something you've said...
My heart hears yours,
Calling it from its safe place,
Making it beat faster,
Inside of me...
The excitement,
You're causing,
Keeps me guessing,
What's coming next...
I'm listening,
So speak up baby...

Kristen LeBlanc

Day Dream

---

Rattle the cage,
Screaming,
But no one,
Can ever hear me...
The harder I try,
The lower my voice,
The lower the echo,
Seems to be...
Am I alone?
Am I seeing things?
Am I the only one,
Who can't be seen?
All this outside noise,
Keeps me hidden behind the scene...

Wake me,
From this nightmare,
I can't be living,
This way...
None of this,
Can be real,
And I'm sick,
Of fighting...
My hopes,
Become simply,
Day dreams,
That are so far from my reach...
I'm not happy,
Watching this same movie play...

Rattling the cage,
As I belt out,
A high note,
Stronger than my scream...
The bars shake,
They break,
And I stand weak,
Not knowing what's next..
I never thought,
I'd break free,
From that cage,
Or day dream...
Now I can change,
The ending...

Shake me,
From this imaginary,
Happiness,
Before I get too involved...
I'm so engaged,
From feeling this free,
Feeling so happy,
From my day dreaming...
Dreaming while I'm awake,
Not able to dream as I sleep,
So my mind projects,
These dreams onto my reality...
I'd ask again,
To be awakened,
But I'm too excited,
For things to go my way...

For things to be right,
For my hard life,
To finally,
Become easy...
I want things set right,
For the wrongs,
To come to light,
Instead of them staying lies...
That's why this feeling,
Of being my own friend,
My own hero,
Has to stay...
I'm too good for the world,
Too good to be heard...

I love this...
I love this...
Don't hate me,
For me never wanting to wake...
This feeling...
This feeling...
This day dream,
Needs to be my every day...
I don't want it to change,
Want it to remain,
I'm living on replay,
And that's fine...
I wish you could see what I'm seeing...
But this is my day dream...

Kristen LeBlanc

It may not make perfect sense to the world but it is what I want to do and continue to do. 

Kristen, the Writer

This side of me VERY few people know about because I like keeping it to myself. 

The first ever piece that I wrote was about my mother. 

It eventually was published in a book. Here it is:

 

Weirdly enough though, poetry isn't my favorite type of writing. 

I enjoy lyrical ballads and writing song lyrics. 

Below is the latest one I have been working on:

 The Real Me

 Come on the scene, 

Like a fashion queen, 

Just trying to be, 

Originally different...

Glitter and glam, 

Dedicated and adoring fans, 

While I walk around, 

Searching for friendship..

Thought I found love, 

Thought I had it all, 

But I ended up,

 Lying to everyone..

There's only one thing,

Left for the world to see..

Chorus:

It's time to be seen,
For what I truly am,
Not for who I was trying to be...
I want you all,
To believe in being happy,
To believe in reality,
To finally meet,
The real me...
I'm far from perfect,
And nothing is worth it,
If you don't work hard,
To earn it..
I built up my own reputation,
Leaving the real me only to your imagination...

Mid Journey,
I had my troubles,
But something,
Got me through those struggles...
It sure wasn't the fame,
Or Hollywood buzz,
Not money,
Or even love...
I had my voice,
My talent of communication,
Singing was my method of choice,
Writing the pain away...
Money and fame can be fleeting,
But my God given talent will remain...

-Repeat Chorus-
It's time to be seen,
For what I truly am,
Not for who I was trying to be...
I want you all,
To believe in being happy,
To believe in reality,
To finally meet,
The real me...
I'm far from perfect,
And nothing is worth it,
If you don't work hard,
To earn it..
I built up my own reputation,
Leaving the real me only to your imagination...

With finding myself,
I've discovered,
More than just an empty shelf,
But a lot missing,
From my life as well...
I want more than to be known,
I want my words to be felt,
Chill you right to the bone...
Make it hurt,
But in the best way,
Make you think,
And make you want to sing...
Love isn't all about sex,
Isn't all about looks,
Isn't all about attraction...
Love is but what,
We all chase in our dreams...
We want to be accepted,
We want to be happy...

-Repeat Chorus-

It's time to be seen,
For what I truly am,
Not for who I was trying to be...
I want you all,
To believe in being happy,
To believe in reality,
To finally meet,
The real me...
I'm far from perfect,
And nothing is worth it,
If you don't work hard,
To earn it..
I built up my own reputation,
Leaving the real me only to your imagination...

Kristen LeBlanc (KML)

This is just me being myself and I can have the critics go wild on me. That's fine. No one is perfect but I work hard to do my best in all of my endeavors. Deal with it. An artist is an artist. His/her methods of communicating her message across are but his/her choice. Peace.

Kristen: The Math Tutor

So, few of anyone who may read this realize that my job, and only job ever, has been a math tutor for Delgado Community college in New Orleans, La. I didn't start tutoring here, though, until I asked my first college professor if they needed help in the college's lab. She said, not yet, but, they could use volunteers. I then spoke with the current manager at the time and she saw that I was a good tutor. She told me that if they ever had an opening that she would let me know. A year later, I was hired and have been working there 5 years come August 2015.

I wasn't always good in math. I used to struggle but I worked through it. I was inducted into the Beta Club in 6th grade. They would meet and set us up with a student who needed help in a subject that we chose. My strong point was math, so that was my selection. I tutored in elementary school up until graduating from there. I even took Algebra I, which counted as a high school credit. Algebra really stumped me at first, but, the principal was our teacher. I was one of only four people chosen to take the advanced course. At first, we had to teach each other and when it came to test time, I did make Fs. Once we were able to have the principal there daily for meeting time and we actually learned, I started making As and Bs. I even graduated as the Salutatorian of my class, tied with another girl.

When it came to me looking at my life and choosing a career, my first choice was becoming a veterinarian. I loved animals and I just felt like it was what I should do. Things changed when my dog broke her leg and had puppies. I couldn't stand seeing her and pain. My mind had changed. I wasn't sure what I wanted and then my mom passes away. Right after her death, I took to writing and sketching. Both of which, were pretty good. I was published in a book and my art was in several auctions for different organizations, local and nation wide. I wasn't tutoring at the time until the high school I was going to closed down and we moved campuses. As soon as I heard that the guidance counselors were in need of tutors, I signed up. I did that my junior and senior years of high school. I focused more on my art than anything and eventually graduated. I pursued Graphic Design in college. Halfway through my last semester, I realized that it wasn't for me. I didn't like being trapped behind a computer to be creative. I do small side jobs but not as a career.

The more and more I tutored, the more and more I wondered if my meaning in life was to teach. I am a patient person and can help a student stop fearing something and show them how it can be fun. I also have seen several students come to me feeling and end up with an A or B as a final grade. The best thing, though, that comes with tutoring, is learning from each and every student I help. One student that I tutor on the side has made a total 360. He hasn't only done it with his studies, but also as a whole. He is more confident and open. Just because I took the time to listen and help him to see that it isn't all that bad. Three students that I've tutored have actually opened up to me about their struggles with either dyslexia or autism. They learn differently and need the one on one tutoring to ensure that they get the attention they need. All students deserve to know that they can do anything they put their minds to. So many have just been pushed aside or pushed through their classes when they truly need more time and more help. I understand that their is a time restraint with semesters or quarters, depending on the school level, but, what is more important: a student's overall development or them becoming just another statistic? If more tutoring services were offered to children even as young as Pre-K, it would benefit them and everyone. If you have a strong foundation, the building will be easier to build upon it.

So, I enjoy my job and love tutoring others. Math is just something that I understand and am able to reiterate to another person. It is a strength of mine and I love helping others who struggle with it. The most rewarding thing to hear is, "Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it."  

How I Cope: My Writing

With having very few friends before actually taking control of my life, I looked to food as my friend. Once I alleviated that from my life, and after losing my mother, I began to sketch and write almost daily. I just had something in me to get out. Years after my mom's passing, I have found artwork she had done and even poetry she wrote for my father, the first written exactly, to the date, 3 years before I was born. Odd? Not really? I write and sketch to keep her spirit alive. I also feel that I am like her a lot in the fact that I care a lot for others and put others before myself just like she had done.  In this post, I will share some of my favorite literary pieces that have kept me going. once again, no judgement. I just want to share. Not many people even know how much I have written or how much I enjoy the process.

The Only Way to Burn: 
Written After Our House Fire on November 15, 2014

Slowly climbing,
Shelf to shelf,
Flame by flame,
Clothes engulf.
Water can’t stop it,
There is no way,
It’s caught the wall,
Now to the attic it strays.
It engulfs the room,
And grows above the house,
Smoke filled,
Power’s out.
Father’s screaming,
Sister running,
Dogs are stuck,
Cat is hiding.
The family escapes,
With minor burns,
One dog makes it,
As they watch it burn.
Flames higher than the tallest tree,
Almost spreading to the next house,
Running and yelling,
To try and get them out.
Fire fighters arrive,
Check the surroundings,
Start breaking in,
To check the scene.
Electrically started,
The house is gone,
Burned, back roof,
With a whole side being gone.
The hose and water,
Start filling the frame,
Dripping through the sides,
Like it’s crying with pain.
The youngest daughter heard a crack,
The others didn’t hear it,
But that’s what happened.
The father’s face had secondary burns,
From trying to stop the fire,
Before it got worse.
The oldest daughter,
Got first degree going back in,
To make sure they got out safely.
This family lost their home,
But they have each other,
And that’s enough,
To start all over
How do I know of this tragedy?
This happened to me and my family,
At 2:30 in the morning.

Kristen LeBlanc

Someone I Never Got to Know: 
Written for My Grandfather, Basile Macera

You met me,

When you were 62.

Now I’m 23,

Saying good bye to you.

I regret,

Not getting to know,

The man,

Whose story became my own.

He married a woman,

Who loved him dearly,

Who gave birth to three children,

Katherine, Tony, and Cindy.

Katherine was my mom,

Someone else I didn’t get to know,

Who died with me by her side,

And was only 44 years old.

With life,

Comes death,

And by dying,

There is new life.

My only reason now,

For crying,

Is not getting to know my loved ones,

Before they said good bye.

Spending time with family,

Just isn’t the same,

As listening to tall tales,

Or something they say.

We meet up,

We talk and eat,

We hug and kiss,

Then leave.

We are wasting time,

Trying to get life to go by faster,

Missing out on what is right in front of us,

Instead of what’s long after.

I regret,

Never experiencing,

The knowledge he had,

Or the lessons she could give.

We have,

But one life to live,

Think before you decide to act,

Because this is it.

Kristen LeBlanc

More Than You: 
Written for My Boyfriend on Our 1 Year Anniversary 

To find someone,

Who doesn't care,

How you look,

Or what you wear.

They love you,

Every flaw,

You're the most beautiful,

Girl they've ever saw.

You may not think,

You're perfect,

But to them,

You're more than worth it.

A year has gone by,

And it seems like,

That just yesterday,

We said hi.

The connection between us,

Has done nothing,

But evolve,

Into a love so strong,

That others can't help,

But just watch.

They say we're a cute couple,

Even adorable,

But I say,

We're just inseparable.

We hate to stay,

Too far away,

From each other,

For too long,

But with every day,

We learn more.

A year seems like a while,

But to me,

It's just time,

Because we're happy as can be,

As you'll find.

Love has no favorites,

It doesn't know black or white,

So for my Boosky and I,

It's just right.

Kristen LeBlanc

Time Will Tell: 
Written After My Grandfather, Walter LeBlanc, Passed Away

There's only one who knows,

What will happen,

When a new day has begun,

And our eyes see the sun,

As it rises in the morning,

And sets at days end...

It's warmth lets us all know,

We're never,

Alone...

We don't need to travel,

To find a place,

To call home...

I reach up,

Towards the sky,

Waiting for a reply,

But realize you're busy,

Taking care of the world,

And I can only imagine, 

All you've seen and heard...

I'm patiently waiting,

To get my time with you,

Time to ask my questions...

I always ask but you answer,

One thing is always clear,

Time will tell...

Will tell me what to do...

Days seem to linger on,

When I sit waiting,

To feel you around,

Your presence welcomed,

Anytime and anywhere...

I'm never fearing,

What you have to say,

Just afraid of how to explain,

Everything I think,

And feel to be true...

There is but one thing,

That will never change,

And that is,

My faith in you...

I gaze up,

And just wonder what it's like,

To stand by your side,

Holding your hand,

As I try not to cry...

I can only imagine,

All you've thought and done...

I'm taking my turn,

To ask away,

To feel complete and free...

You comfort me,

Quietly saying,

Time will tell,

Time will make it all easy...

I let it all go,

And not hold back,

Anything I feel,

But just show,

The world that,

Nothing is hopeless,

But there is always,

A place in heaven,

To call our own...

A place that will one day be,

Our final home...

I raise up my heart,

In honor of all you've done,

For all of us and slowly see,

A rainbow run across the shy,

As the sun shines brightly,

Showing all its colors,

In full force...

Smiling from ear to ear,

I sing my soul's song,

Then collapse in prayer,

Still listening to your words...

Time will tell,

Me what is next on my journey,

Of getting closer to you.

Kristen LeBlanc

My first ever poetic piece was written right after my mom passed away back in 2006. I do not have it typed out but it was published in a book. Once I find the book that is among some of the items that made it through the fire, I will add it under the last piece above. God bless you all for taking the time to read my work. It means so much to me.